Dear
Professor Brad,
My name is Khew Wan Ling Aceline, a student from your effective communication class - SIE2016 T3. The purpose of this introductory letter is for you to know a little more about me.
I graduated
from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in engineering systems in the year
2018, then I went to work at a hotel after graduation. To be honest, I did not have any interest in
engineering, neither did I chose to study engineering by choice. However,
despite my stronger interest in the pursuance of hospitality and my reluctance
to continue pursuing engineering back in polytechnic, I held on, and
engineering managed to spark an interest in my Year 2 phase. As someone who
is usually fidgety, I prefer to be occupied constantly. To that end, engineering
has offered me with more opportunities to interact with hands-on activities, as
well as stimulating my mind.
I can
confidently say that one of my communication strengths will be as a leader,
with people I am comfortable with around me, leading a group of around 100
people. In this aspect, I was in the management committee for my polytechnic
engineering club, where I organized multiple camps and events for freshmen and
students. With my roles and responsibilities, I would need to work closely with
my team and school advisors, convey instructions, engage students to
participate proactively, and also form a good rapport with everyone.
In spite of
having such strength, one of my weaknesses will be giving a formal speech or a presentation.
Especially so where I need to give a speech on the spot without preparation, I
would tend to tremble from my voice to my hands. To add on, I personally am not
able to handle being in the spotlight. Hence, the stares I get from even my
classmates make me feel intimidated. This shortcoming has hindered my ability
to speak fluently in public.
During one
of the classes, you mentioned that language can be improved if we practice it
often, and I second to that. My mandarin used to be weak in both spoken and
written. However, as I did some part-time jobs with Malaysian Chinese
colleagues, I managed to use my mandarin often even though it was broken.
Hence, I can say that my Mandarin has improved a lot since then. Thus, one of
my goals in this module is to practice more on using the language correctly and
effectively. My second goal is to be able to speak confidently in front of a large crowd in a new environment.
To end off my letter, I would like to mention one fun fact about me. Despite my aptitude in language being poor, I do have a strong interest in learning the basics of many languages. At the age of 18, I set a goal to be able to speak at least 3 other languages on top of English and Mandarin in 7 years' time. However, up till now, I’ve only managed to take up Japanese and sadly, I could only read, write, and comprehend simple sentences but my oratorical skills are still lacking. With that, I thank you for your time in reading my letter and I look forward to see a better me at the end of this module.
Best Regards,
Aceline
Edited on 30 Sep 2021
Blogs commented on:
1. Sharleen <https://sharleenlow.blogspot.com/2021/09/formal-letter.html>
2. Kriston <https://kristonyeo.blogspot.com/2021/09/formal-letter-descriptive-reflection.html>
3. QianZi <https://qianzifan99.blogspot.com/2021/09/self-introduction.html>
4. Syahirah <https://dreamersyyahh0099.blogspot.com/2021/09/task-7-formal-letter-self-introduction.html>
At a glance this looks very interesting, Aceline. I'll give comments once your blogging buddies have done so.
ReplyDeleteHi Aceline, I have read through your letter and it is interesting and detailed.
ReplyDeleteJust a little grammar mistake I have noticed, but feel free to correct me if I am wrong. "My second goal is to be able to speak confidently in front of large crowd of a new environment.", you should use "in a new environment" rather than "of a new environment".
Also, in the sentence "To add on, I personally am not able to handle being in a spotlight, hence, the stares I get from even my classmates, makes me feel intimidated.", you should use "make" rather than "makes".
Thank you
Hi Sharleen, thank you for your honest feedbacks. I've taken note of them and will update and edit accordingly soon.
DeleteHi Aceline! Having read through your letter, I thought it was captivating and interesting.
ReplyDeleteAll the necessary content was covered in your letter and it was written in great detail. I like the use of examples to illustrate your points.
A small language mistake I noticed in paragraph 2 was, "To be honest, I did not have any interest in engineering, neither did I chose to study engineering by choice." I think that using "by choice" was not necessary already as you mentioned that you didn't choose to study it. Sounds a little repetitive.
Hi Kriston,
Deletethank you for going through my letter and providing me with your feedback. I'm not sure if I can agree with you regarding dropping the use of "by choice" in the sentence as it would have sounded weird to me. However, thank you for pointing it out and I will look into it and let you know what I think after that.
Dear Aceline,
ReplyDeleteIt’s a pleasure to read this clear, concise and yet detailed letter and to discover something about you. Thank you for sharing.
I’m happy to learn, for example, that you really like the study of language and that you are studying Japanese. How old were you when that began? Do you study on your own or formally?
You have also explained your strength and weakness in communication. Your work with the engineering club seems exemplary, and that sort of leadership skill bodes well for you in the future. As for the weakness, of course, many students are shy when they present. The only problem is when we have fear or we don’t have an opportunity to step out of our comfort zone and practice. How do you think you might be able to overcome that to some extent?
In terms of your language use, there are a few minor issues:
1. comma splice/sun on sentence
-- To end off my letter, I would like to mention one fun fact about me, despite my aptitude in language being poor, I do have a strong interest in learning the basics of as many languages as I can. >
To end off my letter, I would like to mention one fun fact about me. Despite my aptitude in language being poor, I do have a strong interest in learning the basics of as many languages as I can.
-- To add on, I personally am not able to handle being in a spotlight, hence, the stares I get from even my classmates, makes me feel intimidated. > ?
2. phrasing/word use
-- I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in engineering systems in the year 2018, in which I went... >
I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in engineering systems in the year 2018, then I went...
-- engineering has managed > engineering managed
-- I prefer to be occupied constantly, in which engineering has offered me with more opportunities to interact with hands on activities, as well as stimulating my mind. >
I prefer to be occupied constantly. To that end, engineering has offered me with more opportunities to study with hands on activities as well as stimulating my mind.
All of these issues can be easily resolved.
I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Brad
Dear Professor Brad,
Deletethank you for taking your time to read my letter and inputting the detailed feedbacks. I've noted of all the issues regarding my language use and will amend accordingly.
In regards to your curiosity, I started my journey of taking up Japanese at the age of 20, in 2018 after I graduated from my polytechnic. I actually attended for physical lesson where my teacher is a Japanese from Hokkaido. However, due to my work schedule and also my teacher flying back to his hometown, I was only able to attend up to Pre-Intermediate level in 9 months, and thereafter, I did self study.
I personally agree with you on "The only problem is when we have fear or we don’t have an opportunity to step out of our comfort zone and practice." To add on to that, I feel that once we step out of comfort zone, we will all face our own fear, but if we can overcome it, we will definitely grow as a person and improve gradually. I feel that I am able to step out of my comfort zone easily, but when faced with fear, I tend to go back in my comfort zone and hence, I am not able to see much improvement. With that, I think to overcome my public speaking, I will need to face the fear of being in the spotlight and start off my practicing in front of smaller groups first.
Thank you.
Regards,
Aceline
Thank you, Aceline, for the detailed response. I look forward to your upcoming presentations. :)
DeleteDear Aceline,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this self-introduction letter. From your letter I can see that you are a very confident and friendly person. After reading your letter it makes me want to know more about you.
I look forward to work with you in class.
Best regards,
FAN QIANZI
Hi QianZi, thank you for your input. I look forward to working with you in class too! :)
DeleteHello Aceline ! Wow, I am impressed at how detailed this letter was and I have learnt a lot about you just by reading this letter. To be frank, I do not see any major flaws in your writings but perhaps a few very minor mistakes here and there.
ReplyDeleteOne example will be the phrasing in last paragraph; " I do have a strong interest in learning the basics of as many languages as I can."
I suggest you can rephrase it to "the basics of different languages". Let me know if you think otherwise !
Best regards,
Casimir
Hi Casimir,
Deletethank you for taking your time to read my letter and inputting your feedbacks. As you suggested, I will rephrase it, considering it sounds better in my opinion too.